humor

In my countries case if you know our history and some locations:
How was copper wire invented:
A belgium guy and a Zeeuw (province of the Netherlands) where fighting over a stuiver (5 cent(0.05fl) copper piece).
Or how did the "leemkule" was dig...ect
 
I was in Walmart using the restroom
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and just as I closed my stall door, a voice from the next stall said, “Hi! How are you?” Embarrassed... I said, “I’m alright!!" The voice said, "So what are you up to?” I said, “Ummm... Just trying to handle a little private business over here!” Then I hear, “Can I come over?” Annoyed... I said “Excuse me?!?!." Then the voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!!!!
 
Here is what you must do when you are bored:
Buy 4 pigs and mark them 1 2 3 and 5.
Release them in a shopping mall, sit back and watch the security looking for number 4
 
At a class for couples who are expecting their first child the instructor gives some suggestions to them. She tells the women they should start walking to strengthen the muscles that will make delivery easier. She tells the husbands to encourage the walking by going with their wives and bonding through the pregnancy and she adds that the walking would be better if done on a soft surface like sand or grass. One of the men in the group raises his hand and asks, "Would it be OK if she carries a golf bag?"
 
It was twelve years ago my friend Chris came running out shouting "It's a boy" with tears running down his face.

We've never been back to Thailand.
 
What is the difference between Wuhan and Vegas?

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas....
 
Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through it.
.
.
.
.
.
I probably should have told her about the new electric fence.
 
If USA is so good and great, why was the invention of usb needed?
 
The DOCTOR
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.
 
A sophisticated, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around, spots a beautiful rug, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. Unfortunately, standing right next to her is a salesman.
"Good day, ma'am, how may we help you today?"
Flustered, she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?"
"Madam," he answers, "If you farted just touching it, you're gonna **** when you hear the price."
 
Hey it has a build in fire extinguisher...
OSHA handbook says good.
 
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and
made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she
told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her
side of the family."
 
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.
The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.
They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said.
The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream."
She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said,
"No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream."
Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said,
"No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes.
He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon.
The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks,
"Where's the toast?"
 
My wife told me to get more in touch with my famine side.....So i crashed the car then i ignore her the whole day for no reason....
 
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