humor

Used to read the comics. But haven't seen any of the spiderman movies
later floyd
 
I didn't post it looking for info on the cell, I was really just sharing that I thought the cheap knockoff "brand" name of "great power" reminded me of spiderman: with great power comes great responsibility. Thought I'd share a laugh, guess it's just my sense of humor being off.
 
harrisonpatm said:
I didn't post it looking for info on the cell, I was really just sharing that I thought the cheap knockoff "brand" name of "great power" reminded me of spiderman: with great power comes great responsibility. Thought I'd share a laugh, guess it's just my sense of humor being off.
Click to expand...
My bad, I didn't get what you were posting and thought you selected the wrong thread while posting about it.
 
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An elderly couple who got married right after high school and celebrating their 60th anniversary decided to go back and visit their old school. It was closed but a janitor let them in and they walked around looking at the classrooms, the gym and the rest of the old building. Holding hands on the way home they see a bag of money fall off an armored truck. The husband runs over picks it up and they bring it home but his wife says they have to give it back. "No way, I'm going to hide it in basement." says the husband.

The following day the police are questioning people in the neighborhood and when they arrive at the couple's house the husband denies knowing about the bag. The nervous wife tells the cops, "It's not true, we found the money and it's in the basement." The husband tells the police, "Don't pay attention to her, she is senile." The officers look at the woman and ask, "Why don't you tell us how you found the money." She responds, "Well we were holding hands walking home from school and..." The officers smile, wink at the husband and one of them says, "Thanks for your help, have a nice day."
 
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Tighten up those bra's...no let them be free
 
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to scare the bills away:
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After 35 years, General Green retired from the Army to fulfill his dream of bird hunting in his spare time. He got a new hunting dog and named it “Sarge.” The dog was incredible at pointing, flushing, and retrieving. General Green’s friends were so jealous that they offered huge amounts of cash to buy Sarge. But the general always refused, proudly saying that Sarge was the best bird dog he’d ever owned and that he couldn’t part with him for any price.

A year later, one of General Green’s friends visited and was surprised to find that he was breaking in a new dog.

Fearing the worst, the friend asked, “What happened to good old Sarge?”

The General looked sad. “I had to shoot him. My wife kept calling him Colonel, and pretty soon all the dog would do is sit on his ass and bark.”
 
At parole hearing:
Officer: Why should you be released early?


Man: I am..
Officer: yes go on.

Man: I think..
Officer: Yes?

Man: can i please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure, Parole denied.
 
Did you hear about that bra sale? for 5 dollar a piece?
Well for that price you cannot let them hang...
 
An attractive blonde arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated,
and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"
She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
..... but all men...are men!
 
Shit this one made me laugh out loud.
Replace with your country surrounding people...
In my case germans and belgiums.....



An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were captured in France during the Revolution, and sentenced to death by the Guillotine. The Englishman bravely asked to be executed lying on his back, and his last wish was granted. The blade started down, but came to a sudden stop inches before it reached his neck. The executioner cried "A miracle!" (In French, naturally.) The Englishman was set free, to his great surprise and relief. The Scotsman also asked to be executed face-up. The same thing happened, and the Scotsman was also set free. The Irishman knew a good thing when he saw it, and lay down on his back. The executioner was about to release the blade when the Irishman suddenly flung his hand up, pointed at the blade and shouted "Oi t'ink Oi see da problem!"
I apologise to my Irish friends - if I now have any left...
 
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